


break me gently for i am small and the world is large

by Seito



Category: Pocket Monsters SPECIAL | Pokemon Adventures, Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Bittersweet, Emotions, Fear, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Immortality, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, Unfortunate Implications, the consequences of meeting legendaries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21615724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seito/pseuds/Seito
Summary: Sometimes Red wishes he could descend from the mountain.His mother worries, he knows that. There is little he can do to settle her fears, but he cannot leave.(He’s not strong enough. Never strong enough.)“How long are you going to be up here, Red?” Blue asks.-.-.-Or the consequences of meeting legendaries
Relationships: Alan | Alain & Platane-hakase | Professor Augustine Sycamore, Gold/Silver (Pokemon), Odamaki Sapphire | Sapphire Birch/Ruby, Ookido Green | Blue Oak & Red
Comments: 50
Kudos: 322





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [this post](https://www.pillowfort.social/posts/928762) gave me feels so I'm gonna drag you all onto this sinking ship with me.
> 
> Also yay my 300th fic. X3

Sometimes Red wishes he could descend from the mountain. 

His mother worries, he knows that. There is little he can do to settle her fears, but he cannot leave.

(He’s not strong enough. Never strong enough.) 

His Pokemon, the ones still willing to stay with him, they cuddle close offering comfort. It’s cold up here, the highest peak of Kanto, so close to the sky. It makes him feel safe, it makes feel him feel terrified. 

(King of the world.)

(Ruler of all.)

The silence is comforting, the silencing is damning. 

Red is torn with indecision and the only plan he came up with was getting stronger and stronger and stronger-!! 

(It’s not enough. It’s never enough.) 

“How long are you going to be up here, Red?” Blue asks. 

Blue is his only visitor these days. Misty stormed off a few years ago, too angry at him, and refusing to come and visit him until he came down the mountain. (Red wishes, wishes and wishes that he could go down, but he can’t, he can’t and why doesn’t she understand-!) 

But Blue still comes, bringing the letters from his mother. He always gently jokes about the fact that Red doesn’t even keep a phone -keeps nothing relating to technology these days except for his Pokeballs and a few precious supplies-. The joke always falls a little flat because Red hasn’t spoken a word in nearly a decade. A phone is wasted on him.

“Aren’t you strong enough?” Blue asks. He always asks that after Blue finishes updating Red on what was happening down, off the mountain. 

(No. Never.) 

Blue… understands. Somewhat. Sorta. He understands why Red is up here. Understands it’s nothing but training. 

He does not understand why Red remains. 

And Red cannot fault him for that. 

“You’re not going to let me remain Champion forever, are you?” Blue lightly teases. “Surely you’re strong enough to give me a taste of my own medicine right? I could use the challenge. Kids these days, they don’t have the right opmh, you know?”

Something sparkles in Red. It’s an old and worn dream from when they were children. He knows exactly what Blue is talking about. Every so often a trainer will brave the mountains and challenge him. He has no idea what kind of stories his former friends are spreading, the young trainers always come at him as if he was some sort of test, some sort of champion and they always fail to give him a challenge. 

Then purple eyes flash in his mind and an echo, not sound, but still words, tainted and angry and bitter and spiteful and ripple of power. 

And Red draws back.

Blue deflates as he sees that he has fails.

He smiles at Red, it’s tired and wobbly and a little like pity. “What are you afraid of, Red? Why are you still up in this mountain after ten years? Why are you so desperate to get stronger?”

Red curls with guilt. His mother worries. Blue worries. His friends hasn’t spoken to him in years. Most of his Pokemon have left. They always asks and Red tries, for them, for Blue who is still here, tries to explain. 

“I-” his voice is raspy, unused in years, shaky and barely a whisper. “I stared into the abyss-”

He remembers being ten years old, remembers feeling like a hero, stopping Team Rocket. He remembers traveling with his friends, traveling with his Pokemon, feeling on top of the world. He remembers the laboratory. He remembers busting in, defeating Team Rocket, driving them off. He remembers stepping into the room. 

He remembers meeting the World’s Strongest Pokemon.

He remembers meeting Mewtwo. 

There are no words for the power that shook Red to his core. There was no pretty excuses to why Red fled and fled, ran and ran didn’t look back. There are no stories, only promises. 

Mewtwo was...

Mewtwo is…

He was so angry. 

Science went too far. 

Mewtwo was, still is, so angry. 

Red does not know where Mewtwo is, but that anger lingers in Red’s mind, keeps him awake at night, haunts his dreams. 

(He’s not strong enough. It’s not enough. Never enough.) 

“-and the abyss stared back.” 


	2. Chapter 2

Gold used to love sleeping in. He is a growing teenage boy after all. It is just par course, nature’s path. But even he had noticed that he was rising with the sun. He barely registered it, seeking out the first rays of sun.

Maybe this was what it meant to become an adult. 

His mother disagree with the idea. 

“Gold,” she says, hands on her hips. “Why are you up on the roof again?!” 

Gold blinks awake, basking in the warmth of the sun before looking down at her. “I don’t know,” he says. He was always seeking the highest point he could reach, always wanting to soar, to fly to new heights. He cannot figure out why that was the case. 

His mother just shakes her head. “And I assume Silver is in the basement again?” she asks. 

Probably. Gold always was seeking the highest point and Silver was always seeking the lowest point. 

(He thought it was natural.)

(But sometimes there is a voice in Gold’s head that suggests otherwise.) 

Gold jumps off the roof, ignoring the way his mother bemoans about a heart attack. In a blink of an eye, he cross the threshold of their house and down the stairs into their basement. The door was ajar and Pibu was leaning over a sleeping Silver, mischief written all over his face. 

“Don’t Pibu,” Gold says, scolding him. He scoops up Pibu into his arms and reaches to gently shake Silver awake. 

Silver stirs quickly. “It’s too early,” Silver grumbles. 

“The sun is already awake,” he says cheekily. 

Silver grumbles, but doesn’t push away Gold, not like he used to. 

(He can’t let Silver go. He doesn’t know why, he just can’t. He knows if he does, then Silver will seek the deepest depths he can find and never come back. Gold spent so long chasing Silver, he cannot lose him again. He won’t lose Silver to his father, he won’t lose Silver to the deepest seas. Gold will always come running after him.) 

Silver unfolds himself from the blankets, the strange silver feather he had found years ago, attached to a silver chain, slows in the dimly lit basement. 

(Gold has the matching rainbow feather, tucked under his shirt on a gold chain.) 

Silver rubs his eyes. “What are we doing today?”

Gold smiles. “I was thinking we could swing by the cemetery before we leave for Cherrygrove Town,” he says. 

Silver nods in agreement. “Right, to visit your family grave.” 

Gold tries to give Silver everything that would have been ‘normal’. If that meant making room for Silver in his family, then so be it. His mother wouldn’t mind. He wants these things to anchor Silver the way they anchor Gold. 

(Gold always seeks the highest heights, but he always wants to come back home to his family, to Silver.) 

Pibu loudly complains, forgotten in Gold’s arms. 

Gold laughs, grasping onto Silver’s hand and tugging him upstairs. “But first breakfast!”

Silver’s soft smile was all Gold needs to complete his morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two got off lightly, all things considered, but well, Silver probably deserves the break. 
> 
> Please leave a review on your way out :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a blink and miss it, but there is an implication of suicide in this chapter, so proceed at your own risk

Sapphire doesn’t know what’s wrong with her. She loves nature, loves the trees, love the wilds. Her dad complains, but it’s all his fault. If he didn’t spend so much time out in the field, then Sapphire wouldn’t have fallen in love with nature. 

Except these days just walking on the ground makes her feel a deep seated disgust. 

Being inside is the worse. Being in the forest, something she used to love, makes her feel miserable. 

“Slow down, Sapphire,” Ruby always says. “Why are you always in a rush?”

She doesn’t know how to tell him that she feels like she has to constantly be moving, constantly has to be lifting her feet off the ground because it’s the only way to feel marginally normal. She doesn’t know how to tell him that she loves him, loves him more than all the water in the world, but every time he touches her (and they used to touch each other all the time, so many times) she feels like there are bugs crawling over her skin. 

(She loves him so much.)

(She doesn’t understand why his touch repulses her.)

Flying helps. Troppy is always willing to carry her but it’s too dry. Being off the ground helps so much, but it’s not right. Not right. 

Water the best actually. Lorry or Relly were happy to take her swimming. Sapphire has half a mind to just buy a boat and live there. 

But she doesn’t want to leave Ruby or her dad. 

Ruby who throws a fit when it rains. He doesn’t like water very much, much rather fly then get wet. He was like a cat in that regard. 

“Sapphire?” Ruby asks her, looking at her with such concern in his eyes. 

She smiles and ignores and ignores and ignores.

She loves him too much to give him up.

If that meant feel like bugs were crawling over her skin every day, so be it. 

-.-.-

Ruby doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. He’s always been concerned more with luxuries of the modern world than he was with nature. Nature was always Sapphire’s thing. 

But he runs hot. So hot. 

Sometimes he feels like he’s going to explode like a volcano. Sapphire tempers him in ways she cannot even imagine. Ruby feels his anger ready to explode and he channels all that anger into his sewing and creative hobbies. 

Lying down on the dirt helps. (But he gets so dirty!) 

He feels solid, he feels anger, he feels grounded. 

(He doesn’t tell Sapphire that it’s hard to touch her sometimes.) 

(It’s like he’s so hot that touching her it like plunging into ice cold water and the temperature difference hurts so much.) 

(He loves her too much to stop touching her.)

(He’ll take all the damage.)

Sometimes Ruby thinks this is how he takes after his father. His dad is always so steady, so solid, so unmovable, so untouchable, so unbending. He hates it if he admits to himself. 

Ruby just wants to be with Sapphire, was that too much to ask? He loves her so much, wants to settle down with her somewhere, wants to marry her. 

But Sapphire is always charging off somewhere, like she can’t sit still and Ruby feels like he needs to sink into the ground like a volcano, running so, so, dangerous hot.

But he keeps moving, keeps going forward.

He loves her too much to let her go. 

Even if it means taking colossal energy to move. 

-.-.-

Wally knows exactly what’s wrong with him. 

(That’s a lie.) 

(He really doesn’t.)

He knows it manifests itself like his illness. His doctors and family think he’s relapsed. They run tests and tests and more tests. His parents cry, they sob their hearts out and Wally tries not to resent everything.

They say he’s getting too much oxygen. 

(Before he wasn’t getting enough.)

(He tries not to laugh at the irony.) 

He’s confined to the hospital, trapped in white walls. Sometimes Wally just wants to scream at the world, but knows his feelings fall on deaf ears. His parents worry and worry and worry. He does not blame them. He’s barely out of his teens, on the cusp of adulthood. He’s too young to be suffering these type of problems and he is the only child of his parents. 

They worry. 

They’re trying to protect him.

Wally gets that. He understands it. He does really.

(He just resents the loss of freedom!)

His friends visit when they can. He can count on Ruby, steadfast and strong, to visit the most. Sapphire tries, but he knows this type of sitting and comforting makes her so miserable, so he doesn’t hold it against her. Norman even comes, the silly man has it in his head that this is all his fault. 

(It kinda is.)

Wally bears with all he can, but there is nothing more he wants then to climb and ascent, higher and higher into the heavens, where the air is too thin.

(Rayquaza’s roars vibrates in his soul.) 

Sometimes he makes his way to the rooftop of the hospital. It’s a bit easier to breathe up there. He sits, hearing the wind whispers. He looks down, the ground so far away. It’s freeing up here, but it isn’t enough. 

He wants to rise.

He wants to fly.

He wants to climb into the reaches of space.

He sometimes he wishes he had the courage to _jump_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tags have been updated btw. I'm definitely starting to meld anime/games/manga/meta all together. I know Emerald got the Green Orb in Adventures but shhh Wally is the one who met Rayquaza so Wally gets the side of effects of the Green Orb/meeting Rayquaza. 
> 
> Man, these poor kids. They were just trying to help and they don't even know why they're having these side effects that continue to grow worse every year. Well Wally suspects but Ruby and Sapphire don't. 
> 
> Please leave a review on your way out.


	4. Chapter 4

Leaf knows she’s missing something. She doesn’t know what it is. Or… rather, she knows it has something to do with her memories. She remembers enough, a loving family, an exciting start to her Pokemon journey. But something about it feels so wrong. Her Pokemon don’t seem to grasp that something is wrong and she doesn’t know how to explain it.

(The name Leaf doesn’t even feel right. There’s something false about everything, like she’s looking at an excellent counterfeit of a gem.)

(How does she know what a counterfeit of a gem would be?)

She’s missing a part of herself and she doesn’t know how or why. 

She has consulted doctors who tell her there’s nothing wrong with her.

She has gone as far as seeing psychics to see if someone messed with her head. 

They always say the same thing. Nothing is wrong with her, but Leaf still can’t shake the feeling. 

(Sometimes she dreams of lakes, grand expansive lakes like nothing she’s never seen before.)

(They look familiar but she cannot figure out where she saw them.)

Leaf kept searching, seeking, trying to find that missing part. 

She would never find it.

-.-.-

Here’s the story that Leaf cannot remember.

Over the hills and through the woods, down to the lakes she roam. Seeking, searching, and succeeding. She stands at the lake’s edge and for once in her life realized what mistake she had made. 

_‘You took too much knowledge.’_ Uxie’s voice rang in her head and she steps back, fear pounding in her heart. 

_‘I’m sorry Green of Pallet Town, but I cannot let you leave with your memories in tact.’_

“No, no, please,” she begged. 

She would wake later, miles away covered in leaves and unaware that hours ago she had been someone else. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was kinda fun to bring full circle the idea behind Leaf vs Green lol (Green getting Leaf's outfit was kinda jarring tbh. Didn't really fit her character at all.) 
> 
> Please leave a review on your way out :D


	5. Chapter 5

Melody has learn to never lose control of her emotions. She cannot.

It was supposed to be an honor to be picked as the Maiden for the festival. Normally it is. She has witnessed others, including her own sister, pick up the role and pass it on without any trouble.

She doesn’t know what makes her different.

When she angers, storms begin to churn. The waves rises. At first she does not notice anything is wrong, but growing up is not an easy task when hormones and emotions run high.

It storms for some forty days and nights at one point.

It storms outside of stormy season.

It storms suddenly without warning on calm days.

Melody who plays on her ocarina, who lets the music flows through her. The song she has been performing for years that both lifts her spirit and gives her strength. It calms her down and it’s the sudden break in the weather that always immediately follows after she plays it that clues her in.

Lugia is the legendary of storms after all.

She doesn’t understand.

Why her?

Why this?

Melody smiles falsely, a mask she’s long perfected. Breath in. Breath out. Don’t lose control, conceal, don’t feel.

And _**sing**_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't remember her, Melody is from Pokemon 2000. 
> 
> Happy Holidays.
> 
> Please leave a review on your way out :D


	6. Chapter 6

“How goes your Pokemon journey?” the breeder asks.

Crystal smiles brightly. “It goes well,” she says.

The breeder sighs softly. The edges of her eyes crinkle, tiny wrinkles on her skin. “Ah, youth, I remember when I first started my Pokemon journey,” she said. “Everything was new and exciting. Enjoy it while you can, dear.”

She gently pats the stuffed Skitty tucked in her bag. “There’s nothing quite like traveling with friends and meeting new people.”

Crystal nods and smiles and says nothing.

She doesn’t mention that she’s traveled through this town more than fifty times before. She doesn’t mention that she actually recognizes this breeder lady from a young girl, the stuffed Skitty was something Crystal had gifted the crying girl over a four decades ago. She doesn’t mention that she is an old hat at traveling.

She doesn’t mention that the best thing about Pokemon journeys is that no one really registers how old you were.

No one questions her youth. It’s expected of someone her age to be traveling around and seeing the world. No one asks questions.

After all, Crystal does not look a day over sixteen.

And it’s been like that for over a hundred years.

-.-.-

It wasn’t on purpose.

She was just trying to help.

But as they say, the road to damnation is paved with good intentions. Back then, Crystal had the best intentions. She did. She still does.

And this is the price she has to pay.

She throws that Pokeball without a second thought. She cannot let them succeed with their evil plan. She can’t. The world will be destroyed if they do.

And so she becomes the first and only person in the world to capture Arceus.

It’s a double edged sword.

She wins, the world is saved.

She loses, because of the price to be paid.

And later, when she frees Arceus, he looks down at her. While he has no expressions she can clearly read, there is a sense of pity.

_‘I was not meant to be contained,’_ Arceus says, voice ringing in her head. _‘There was backlash. You may find this a blessing, you may find this a curse.’_

She’s too afraid to ask him what he means.

_‘Yveltal is your only hope when you are ready to rest.’_

Arceus vanishes, leaving her behind.

It takes her a year to figure out what Arceus means. When a splinter cell came after her, seeking revenge. She should have died.

She doesn’t.

They catch her off guard, drive a knife through her chest and bury her corpse.

She wakes three hours later.

Then she runs.


	7. Chapter 7

“Professor,” Alain whispers. He clutches Sycamore’s hand tight, his knuckles turning white. 

“Alain,” Sycamore rasps back. His voice is airy and he’s fading fast. 

Alain has never been more terrified in his life. 

(Liar.)

He cannot lose the professor too. Sycamore is everything to him, his father figure, the one who rescued him. Alain loves him and loves him. Sophie suddenly passed away two years ago, a car accident taking her life, and Cosette collapses from a fever which she never woke from nearly four years ago. Professor Sycamore is all of the family Alain has left. 

“Hey,” Sycamore says, reaching out to grasp Alain’s cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“How can you promise me that?” Alain asks. The sobs are caught in his chest, heaving heavily. 

A month ago, Sycamore collapsed in the middle of a lecture he was giving. He was rushed to the hospital and now, after tests and tests and more tests, all the doctors can tell Alain is that nothing is physically wrong. Yet every day a little more strength leaves him. 

He’s been bedridden for a week now, looking so dangerously pale. 

Alain doesn’t know what he’s going to do. 

Ten years since he came to Lumiose City, since Professor Sycamore rescue him in the woods outside of Geosenge Town. Ten happy years. Alain has no memory of where he came from before, Professor Sycamore, Cosette, and Sophie were his entire family. And he has lost one by one recently. 

Professor Sycamore is the last and Alain doesn’t know what he’s going to do. 

“Even if I’m not physically here, I’ll be here in your heart,” Sycamore says. 

The words ring hollow to Alain’s ears. He knows the professor means them as a comfort but Alain much rather not lose him at all. 

He cannot stop the tears rolling down his face. 

“I’m sorry for putting you through Alain,” Sycamore says. 

Alain presses Sycamore’s hand to his forehead. “Don’t,” he says. “Just stay.”

Sycamore smiles, mouthing something that Alain cannot figure out and then…

Quietly passes away.

-.-.-

Here’s the story that Alain does not know. 

Through the forests, when he was so young, he runs and runs and runs. The men in red suits are chasing him, and shouting, so much shouting. His memories are filled with pain and needles and the looming figure a man with fiery red hair and a black suit. 

“Please, please,” he begs. 

To who, he does not know. For what, he does not know. 

“Please, please,” he begs, breathless and pleading. 

He trips, falling and rolling, and lands on a black cocoon. He has enough time to look up to see the men in red suits descending. He has enough time to scream.

“No! Go away. GO AWAY. _**JUST DIE AND LEAVE ME ALONE!**_ ”

His world turns black and red. There’s echoing raging scream. 

Death is here. 

He does not see the men in red suits fall to the ground, unmoving, unbreathing. 

When he wakes again, it’s to the kindly face of Professor Sycamore. His memories are hazy and soon they depart from the forest, where things turn brighter and brighter, happier and happier. 

_‘Unto you, child, I give you my blessing. Alone you wish to be, live you wish to do, so steal away the lifeforce of those around you.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Alain *pats* 
> 
> Happy Holidays
> 
> Please leave a review your way out.


	8. Chapter 8

Riley wishes he could rest. 

One would argue he has all the time in the world to rest. The world blurs together, time is meaningless. The past, the present, the future, what was, what is, what will be. Riley can no longer tell them apart.

Some days he isn’t even sure Riley is his name anymore. 

He discards and picks up so many names. He discards friends and picks up short term connections. Everything is a lie these days because no one can hear the truth. 

It’s terribly lonely. 

No one, not even his father, mentions that this was the reality of being an Aura Guardian. 

(But it explains so much in the end. Why his father stopped seeing him at one point, treating Riley as if he was a ghost, a figment of his imagination. It hurts to think about it and now Riley understands.)

Being cast adrift in time is so lonely. 

Aura Guardians hadn’t vanished into history. That is so far from the truth it’s almost laughable. Instead, they’re in such high demand that they exist everywhere at once. Celebi will snatch them up, disposing them at the right time and place that needs their help. Then once the crisis was done, it is back home as if nothing had happened. 

But things did happen. 

He receives a message from Gardenia asking if he had completed the favor she asked about. Truthfully, Riley has no idea what she’s talking about. From his point of view, it had been nearly two years since he had last seen Gardenia. This morning alone, Riley struggles with remembering how to use a stove. What day was today? Will he still be here tomorrow? Of course, but how much time will he lose in the progress? 

(He wondered briefly if his father wasn’t dead so much as lost to the sands of time somewhere.) 

There was a tingling in his Aura sense, a one minute warning of Celebi’s approach. Riley quickly clears his area and settles into a seat. He has learned that it’s best to just take a seat, put away anything he might have been doing. Once Celebi dropped him into a war, and when Riley returned, the smell of bacon in his breakfast plate, it sent him reeling into the bathroom, throwing up. He sits quietly instead, because there is nothing else he can do. 

This is the fate of Aura Guardians. 

He hears Celebi’s voice and the world swirls green. Riley lands on his feet with practiced ease. He reaches to pull the cloak Celebi bestows to him (Celebi was always good at providing with era specific clothes) tight. 

“A name and backstory,” Riley says to himself. He has no idea what the crisis is here, but he has been doing this long enough that he knows a complete and total stranger will put people on edge and any suspicious behavior, like not knowing where he comes from is often met with even more distrust. 

He thinks about it a little more, coming up with a vague generalized history. He’s not entirely sure of the timeline, but that looks like the mountain ranges that separate Johto and Kanto in the distance. Saffron is one of Kanto’s oldest cities and unless Celebi has dropped him thousands of years into the past or future, it’s a safe bet to use until proven otherwise. There’s a castle within walking distance and Riley’s first stop for information. 

That leaves only the name. 

“Aaron,” Riley says. “I think I’ll use Aaron.”

He tugs at his hat. “I really hope Celebi didn’t drop me in the middle of a war again…” 

(He never makes home this time.) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cackles* >:3c 
> 
> This has been a blast to write. Exploring the impacts of legendaries was fun >:3c 
> 
> please leave a review on your way out :D

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure how many kids and Legendaries we're gonna get through. Until I run out of feels I guess. And there's a strong possibility that I'm gonna start mixing the game and anime canons into this as well. There are more Legendaries then there are kids.
> 
> Please leave a review on your way out :D


End file.
